There, I said it

Should one be blogging when they are a drunk? Hell yes! That's as honest as you can be! 

Now since I have decided to post, I got to figure out an interesting topic. And let me blabber while I can! Before this little hangover turns into a little comfort slide on the big cushion and eventually sleep. 

Well, you know how people talk about mental health, and I think that's the "hot topic". But those who really talk about it, at least most of the time, don't really get it right. I mean they understand what a unhealthy mind can do to you, but they don't really get it how you have been there. And let's not blame anyone for this. I mean why should we? Everyone's trying their best while trying to hold their life into pieces that may never mend. 

Too dark? 

Well, mind is a dark place. Even the brightest one. That's the beauty right? Ying and Yang. Light side and the Dark side. Let me share a small secret. And there's only one person who I guess knows part of it, so consider yourself privileged. You should! :p 

Love is a difficult thing right? Maybe. It wasn't but it seems to be now at least. I think with time I have never been truly able to belong to someone. And how can I as person? It's difficult to trust what a  human mind is capable of after all. There's this amazing friend, and let's just call her Canines. I would have used a simpler name but I know she wouldn't mind, at least when I am saying that. 

So, she's been one of my closest friends for years now. And that's how it starts right? I mean of course I did fell for her. How could I have not? She's breathtaking when she talks. She's simple and so down to earth in her mind when she can have everything she wants. She's possessive but she doesn't show. She's smart, as they come, pretty, and well for what it all counts, she understands me. So tell me how could I have not fallen for her? 

But that's when the dilemma comes. Should you say or not. I sat on that question for 3 years, and because there never was a right time, and when I said, it wasn't still the right time! But I had it, and it was mean, because I wanted to tell her all this, to get it off my chest. Of course it was mean. And I knew her answer before sending. Before even having the first thought. But a heart is always hopeful right? Even it there's a 1 in  14,000,605 chance, you want to take it. Avengers did! Not that I am comparing myself with the Iron Man or Dr. Strange. But if these movies teach you anything, it's hope. It's hope that someday someone will love you the way you love them. Someday you will have everything you've been looking for. Someday it will all fall into place. Someday everything will start making sense. It's the hope. Take away the hope, we have no reason to live. It's always the hope. And I am not saying that a girl saying no is the end of that hope. It most certainly is not. Because if life was based on a single hope, how hopeless would it be. There are several uncountable factors. And everyday we just have to play our odds. 

But keeping the self-taught philosophy aside, I hoped, like everyone else. Was I heart broken? Of course! Even when I knew the outcome. And that's how it is right? Some of you will get it. Probably. 

Not so much of a secret now, or maybe it's a story you get to listen too often. But everyone finds a way to vent. And I just did. 

Thanks for reading though! 

I am thinking of writing a character or something, you know to disguise my "not so welcome" thoughts. Let's see  


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